kitty (hisslavekitty) wrote in the_toybox,
kitty
hisslavekitty
the_toybox

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X-Posted from my own LJ

Master and i are back from our vacation to my hometown, and with recent events, we have had a conversation that led to this sort of essay entry:



The problem is, i have been laxed in addressing Him correctly. i am supposed to call Him Master at all times, and refer to Him as Master when i am talking about Him in front of people that know of our relationship, but i have been very bad about doing so...fighting with my own stubbornness. The problem is, i have no idea where this stubbornness has come from lately.

So, here i sit on the hard wooden chair, with the anal plug deep inside me, being punished by writing what this is all supposed to mean to me. And yes, i do know that whenever i call Him by the appropriate title, it is a sign of respect for Him, and for our relationship. And i am sorry i have not been doing so lately.

But it is more than that, addressing Him correctly is one of the many little things i can do to keep D/s alive in our everyday life together. Especially when we are both fighting mundane daily crap that tends to keep us from living the lifestyle we both so desperately longed for all of these years. We have it – we finally have it! – and i disrespect it by fighting my own will to simply call Him ‘Master’.

It sends my mind back to the early summer of last year. Someone else that was serving Him temporarily was allowed to call Him ‘Master’ for a while, and when i found out, i sat at home crying, upset that He would ever let anyone else have the privilege that i waited so long for. When i first brought up calling Him ‘Master’, He asked me over and over – if i knew what that meant...if it was something i really wanted. And now i don’t even do it myself...and i feel like a terrible slave.

i want Him here to push me to my knees, to make me crawl, and to remind me of my place with Him....that it is beneath Him, and that i am lucky to call Him my Master...that i should respect what we have more than i have shown...that He IS my Master, and never will i be allowed to forget it.

So i sit here, for another 25 minutes, uncomfortable...wishing it were His cock in me, instead....hoping that what i have said here this evening makes up for the brat i have become lately.

i am sorry, Master. i love You.
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